Year-End Reflections on Life and Belonging
Or: Thoughts on marking time and reflecting on what matters
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** Originally Written in December 2023 **
As the year winds down, I find myself reflecting on the past 12 months. I know I’m not alone in this. Even if you’re not subjected to the daily barrage of messaging from social media and other advertising, it’s human nature to want to mark time. We organize our lives according to linear time, everything from the “work week” to birthdays, to the various named generations and so on. As humans, we like drawing lines in the sand using the calendar.
We mark time and reflect on our behaviors in order to make sense of our lives. The end of a year is a big one for most of us because it comes on the heels of a period of increased festivity. In some ways, the desire to reflect and start the new year “right” is a bit like the morning after a night out, praying to the porcelain god and promising that you will never do it again…
For me, 2023 will be marked as the worst year of my life. And if you know me, that’s truly saying something. It was the year in which I faced the loss of my beloved furbaby Lucas, who was so much more than a dog. He was my constant companion, my confidante, my child, my protector, my friend, and as I often said, “my heart outside my body.” Anyone who met him only had to spend a few minutes in his presence before turning to me and saying some variation of, “he’s not a dog.”
He truly wasn’t.
Lucas was everything to me and his battle with cancer was both long and short. When I learned in Autumn 2022 that he had at least three different types of cancer taking over his system, I knew we wouldn’t be one of the lucky ones getting two or three more years after surgery, but I still prayed and hoped for a different outcome. In the end, it would always be too soon. Whether it was seven months (which we got) or three more years, losing Lucas was always going to happen before I was ready.
To make matters worse, as we spent our last month together, I also had to endure a horrible professional experience brought about by someone who seemed to have no scruples or integrity. They wanted things their way and were seemingly willing to do anything (including lie and falsely accuse) to get it.
I wholly admit that I can be overly optimistic about people. It’s one of my gifts (and burdens) that I can see others’ potential even when they don’t see it themselves. Unfortunately, there are people who will deliberately choose to take advantage of that for their own benefit—as I have learned the hard way. It was a costly mistake that couldn’t have come at a worse time, as I was struggling to manage the expenses associated with giving Lucas more time, care, and support.
Even though I know that the proverb is: “God never gives you more than you can handle,” I don’t think that’s wholly true. Sometimes the Universe does see fit to give us more than we can actually handle. I actually think it’s more accurate to say:
God never gives you more than you can handle…
with the support of friends and loved ones.
I could not have gotten through 2023 without the incredible love and support of family and friends. Though I lost a few friends in 2022 (as well as some professional relationships), it’s okay because what I have gained is far more important: Remembering. Remembering what, and who, matters.
As humans, we are hardwired for belonging. We have a core need to create connections with others and find the place where we belong. In many ways, we are tribal by nature, though we have lost a lot of how we express it and protect it. Social media was supposed to be a source of connection, but it has only created more disconnection, it seems. So when we find the people—or are reminded of the people—who truly belong in our lives, in our tribe, it’s a blessing. Perhaps it’s especially true if it comes through hardship and pain.
Our need to mark time and make sense of our lives will never go away. We will always want to reflect in one way or another on our life and the lives of others in order to better understand our place in the world… where we belong. Even though 2023 was the worst year of my life, it has given me the most important reminder: Knowing who you are—and who your people are—is a key component to creating a happy, stable, and peaceful life.
Thankfully, I am taking a much clearer picture of where I belong, who I am, and who my people are into the new year. May 2024 bring blessings for us all.