Tips & Quips—TIP: Creating Better Conversations.
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Conversations can be hard for some of us, especially when we’re in a new environment. There are a few truths about having conversations that can make it much easier, and there’s one tip you can use to get started: Use open-ended questions.
Open-ended questions are questions that cannot be answered by a simple “yes” or “no.” Here’s an example of the difference:
Closed question: Did you go to lunch today?
vs.
Open question: What did you have for lunch today?
By using open-ended questions, you are inviting the person into the conversation. “Inviting” being the key word. These types of questions help us (and others) to engage more easily, thereby creating better conversations.
To make it even easier, remember the 5 Ws: Who, What, Where, When, and Why. These are all words that lead to an open-ended question.
Some people add “How” to that list, but I think "How” can also be a bit of a minefield because it can often lead to monosyllabic responses or the perfect conversation killer: I don’t know. This is especially true with teenagers. For example:
How was school today? Good.
How do you feel about…? Fine.
How did/does….? I don’t know.
When you’re dealing with a reticent conversation participant, it’s better to stick with the 5 Ws. Of course, there may be some instances in which open-ended questions can work against you. I speak from personal experience here. After my dad’s stroke, I had to learn to converse with him differently. Instead of open-ended questions, I had to modify my language to use more closed questions. His aphasia (disability speaking) made him frustrated when he was trying to find words, but couldn’t. In order to empower him to communicate, I changed how I talked to him. Now, instead of saying “What did you have for lunch today?” I would say: “Did you have a nice lunch today?”
Being a good conversationalist is a skill anyone can learn. Understanding the role questions play, as well as the importance of inviting someone into the conversation, is one of the first steps on the road to creating—and having—better conversations.