Tips & Quips—QUIP: Meaning, Expectations, and Disappointment

File this one under: Client Sessions. Here’s a direct quote I once said to a client:

“If you attach a meaning to something and base your expectation of others on that, you will almost always be disappointed.”

Given that this was in the midst of a client session, there was a lot of context to their specific situation, but the quote actually applies more broadly; I think it applies to everyone. Here’s why:

For starters, we all attach some sort of significance to most things in our life in one way or another, which is often highly subjective and based on our own personal life experiences and understanding. So, if we then set expectations of others, without first checking in and seeing what meaning they have attached to the same thing, we will ultimately end up disappointed.

There is a way to avoid this though, and it’s actually rather simple: Ask.

Ask the other person what they think. Ask them what the situation means to them, and then negotiate expectations. A real-life example might look like this:

A project at work has deep significance for you, because you are personally invested in the outcome. As such, you put in more hours and are more focused on the tasks that you need to complete. You delegate and expect everyone else to be as invested as you are. They’re not, though. So, it’s likely that you will be disappointed in their work or involvement because you have attached your meaning to their results. 

The problem stems from a lack of communication with its origin found in your expectations being based on the significance you have attached to the situation. If, however, you check-in and ask the others what the project means to them at the start, then share what it means to you, you can arrive at mutually agreed-upon expectations for delivery and outcomes.