Tips & Quips—QUIP: Being a safe place for others’ stories
If someone you are in a relationship with isn’t sharing something with you, rather than questioning their loyalty or commitment to you, perhaps it might be time to look in the mirror and ask whether you are a safe person for them to share with.
Over the years, I have seen this show up in numerous ways, from grief to fear of failure to significant life events. I remember when I first shared that I had finally left my husband. I did so on my private Facebook page. Within 48 hours, in addition to the outpouring of love and support, I also had several private messages from people who shared their innermost secrets with me—the ones they had kept from their loved ones, in some cases for a very long time.
My courage to share empowered them to do the same. Those few days of my life will be etched in my mind forever because they showed me, quite clearly, the power of sharing our stories as well as the importance of having a safe space to do so.
Better communication starts with creating a better environment in which to communicate as well as being a better communicator. Better connection isn’t about the quantity of communication. Rather, feeling more connected to someone is often about the quality of that connection—or intimacy.
As such, if a loved one isn’t sharing their stories—their thoughts, fears, or other emotions with you—it may be because they don’t feel that you will listen unconditionally. If you want to share a deeper connection with the people you love, be the person who provides a safe space free from backlash, including things like: judgment, dismissal or negation, competition, hijacking, and apathy. Your relationships will benefit from creating a safe space built on a foundation of listening with objective compassion.