Redefining “Perfection”
Tips & Quips—QUIP
If you google “perfectionism quotes,” 860k results are returned in less than 1 second. It seems a lot of folks have a lot to say about what it means to be perfect. As I read through the first 30-40 quotes offered to me, one stood out: “Perfectionism is a dream killer…” by Mastin Kipp, a bestselling author, speaker, and trauma expert. Mastin goes on to say that perfectionism is “fear disguised as trying to do your best.” Those are some pretty hard-hitting words.
Now, let’s look at what celebrated football coach Vince Lombardi has to say: “Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.” It sort of reminds me of, “Shoot for the moon, if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” Both are nice sentiments, but neither are realistic.
And that’s the problem with “perfectionism”—it can be used as both a motivator (a la Lombardi) or a dream killer (a la Kipp). So, which is it? or could it be something else entirely?
The short answer is yes, to all three. For me, I prefer to focus on the “something else entirely” as pest of perfectionism. When I read Marjon Bohre’s book The Perfection Paradox, I found myself nodding along with a lot of the research and statements she made throughout. Perfectionism is a paradox: The more you strive for perfection, the less likely you are to attain it. So what is perfectionism, then?
It’s an aspiration-aligned ideal, which means it is both inspiring and defeating at the same time. This means, in my opinion, that it’s best if we view it as nothing more than a yardstick. It’s a tool for measurement, nothing more and nothing less. It’s not a means by which to live our lives, nor is it a message to wholly dismiss. No, perfectionism is simply a lens through which we can assess various things in our life. If we use it this way, as a tool, our entire relationship with perfectionism changes, and usually for the better.
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