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Akin to the "Dear Abby" columns of old, Martina answers reader questions about life, being human, and what it all means, from one of three perspectives (general, life coach/therapist, or spiritual/energy/intuition).
Please note: No medical advice is given and any answers should be considered as information only. The user is responsible for their use of anything they read, and Martina assumes no liability for others' decisions and actions. Spam or disparaging comments will be instantly deleted.
Q: Dear Martina,
I’m in the midst of packing up my life to move west, and am finding myself in the position of letting a lot of the past go in doing so. In the spirit of embracing new and wonderful things, I find myself saying many goodbyes. What advice can you share around letting go of meaningful things of a different time and place? (Response requested from a General Perspective.)
–Anon
A: Dear Reader,
Firstly, what a wonderful and courageous thing you are doing! It requires a lot of bravery and optimism to pack up one’s life and create an entirely new chapter somewhere else. I hope that you have taken the time to pause and reflect and feel proud of the courage you are showing by making this decision. The spirit of “embracing new and wonderful things” you are embodying in your question certainly says to me that you are ready for new beginnings.
With new beginnings, however, we often experience a lot of endings by necessity. When it’s time to create something new, we frequently feel the need to let go of things that no longer serve us. I think that’s the key phrase here: “no longer serve us.”
From an energetic perspective, when something no longer serves us, it often means that it’s out of alignment or no longer in the frequency with which it once did serve us. This perspective removes the “good/bad” value judgment we often place on things during the process of letting go. For example, when someone is going through a decluttering process, you sometimes hear people say that keeping something old is “bad” because it is taking up space if it’s not being used. But that’s not necessarily true. Similarly, in the Marie Kondo way of looking at things (which she has now disavowed on some level), if an item in your life doesn’t “spark joy” you shouldn’t have it. Also, not true.
While I can understand the premise behind only wanting things around you that bring you joy, it’s also pretty unrealistic. Why? Because we are human, and as humans our emotions are always evolving. An item that once brought you joy might now be bittersweet, for example, but that doesn’t automatically mean you need to get rid of it. When I lost my beloved furbaby Lucas, I put away most of his things because the grief was too deep. I didn’t, however, get rid of them. I knew that one day they would bring me bittersweet memories, and I knew that I would want to see them again. So, I chose to hold onto those things even though many people would have suggested that I let them go.
As you pack, plan, and prepare for something new, you are going through a similar process. You are experiencing a lot of “goodbyes” so that you can create more “hellos” in the future. Though you didn’t say so expressly in your question, I imagine this includes people as well as things. From my perspective, I’d use the same advice for both, and I’d suggest to you that the answer (or advice) you seek can be found in your original question.
When something meaningful is “of a different time and place” to where we are now or where we are headed, letting go is a natural part of the process, because it no longer fits. It’s only when we don’t allow ourselves to let go that we end up suffering. When we want to hold on to something that no longer fits our life, we become more constrained.
Not to be funny but you wouldn't wear the underwear you wore when you were a child, would you? It wouldn’t really be comfortable (or even possible) for you to do so. It’s literally of a different time and place—a time and place that you have grown out of. And yet, somehow as adults we seem to believe that we have stopped growing and therefore must hold on to all-the-things. But that’s simply not true. Just because we’re not changing physical form on the outside, doesn’t mean we aren’t still changing on the inside.
As our lives evolve and our circumstances change, it’s only natural that we will need different things (and often, different people) around us. As we change, our lives change; and, as our lives change, what we choose to interact with must also change. This is 100% natural, normal, and expected. Does it mean that something’s wrong if you don’t change things? No, not if those things are still meaningful and support you with where you are in your life. But it also means that nothing’s wrong if you do change things. In other words, it’s all good as long as you’re looking at it from the perspective of being in alignment or being a good fit.
Which brings me back to what I first said and what you wrote. If something in your life no longer serves you, or is of a different time and place from where you are now or where you’re headed, then I’m going to give you a tool that a good friend of mine gave to me years ago as she helped me clean out my overstuffed closet: Let it be a blessing to someone else.
There are many people in the world who have less, and for whom the item that you no longer need or want will be a blessing. By keeping that in mind, the goodbyes are made a little easier. By letting go of the things that are out of alignment with who or where you are, you are freeing up the emotional real estate in your brain and body, as well as the physical real estate in your environment. This can only lead to more creative or healthy space for you to create a life that is in greater alignment with what you need and want.
I wish you all the best on this new chapter in your life. Happy packing and safe travels!
Martina